This past week i have been reflecting on the kindness of others. I have been inundated with snail mail, cooked meals, warm conversations, friendly smiles and my husband even returned home with some wildflowers. My life is immeasurably blessed. And these blessings got me reflecting on the moments that have impacted or changed my life the most. And every single one of these moments have been where others chose to bring kindness, to show up and share generously their time, words or service.

Blessing others has a funny way of rubbing off on all involved.

Its not every week I get inundated with external worldly blessings like i mentioned above. Life has many seasons. Regardless of how it looks, i rest in the beauty of my life, i love it entirely and i intend to share this joy with the whole world if they want it!

In the everyday rhythm of living i focus on what my mama taught me when i was little. If you want kindness, you have to bring it. (This applies to most things: Happiness, love, peace etc). We need to embody what we yearn for most. We need to be the person we wish was there for us. We need to share the kindness we may love to receive, offer the support we know buoys and nourishes our life.

Because in some strange way it doesn’t matter which way kindness is flowing, the simple fact is that when someone brings it, the likely hood is that ‘kindness’ will find a way to infect almost everyone nearby. Even if i witness random strangers being blessed by others, i feel warm and fuzzy and grateful.

Have a beautiful week brave hearts. Keep sharing what you yearn for most. Planetary happiness really does depend on each of us. Now more than ever its important to remember we are the ones we have been waiting for!! Get gifting your gifts! The time is now.

With love and kindness from my heart, xo.

The post Kindness and the art of being blessed. appeared first on Kate M Foster.

(I just discovered these reflections on moving out of our home and reinventing our life. It was written at the end of last year. I often write my way through chapters. You are welcome to read and harvest what you wish.)

I’m at that pointy end of the deal where there is the hugest, fattest invitation to get involved with my thoughts… To entertain them, get intimate with them, believe them, serenade them, define myself by them and most of all, to pick them up and run like hell down God knows what track at a break necking pace, doubting myself and questioning my sanity while carrying them on my shoulders.

But, I’ve been there, and done that run more times than I could count. And while in my desperation I could almost convince myself it’s a charming option, the stillness inside of me is deciding to rest on the side of surrender.

For me, surrender is not shiny or pretty or charming, but it is EASY when you feel THIS tired! Ease CAN be the best option. The world of course won’t tell you that, because mostly we are taught that we must push beyond our capacity, we must do our best (which by the way is usually just outside our human capacity) and show up ‘switched on’ with positivity at any cost. There seems to be little room for exhaustion, self connection, deep questions, honesty, self care, authentic expression or curiosity. Don’t get me wrong, there certainly is a time for pushing (like if you were exhausted and crossing a road and a bus was headed for you…) but in a lot of instances, kindness and compassion looks like ease and surrender, not necessarily shoving the hell out of yourself.

Life is big. Most people I know are moving at such a fast pace with an enormous load that there is very little spaciousness left in their moments. We tend to place our happiness in time, either at a future event when EVERYTHING is going to be exactly as we want it to be, or we place it in the past, where things WERE actually entirely wonderful (at least according to our limited memory). We forget our bodies are temporary rentals and that life doesn’t allow US to relentlessly push them. Nature doesn’t continue any cycle unendingly. Where in the world is it always summer? Or where in the ocean is it always high tide? Are we not bound by similar forces?

We modern humans juggle so many balls that living a healthy life is often out of our reach. We worry, have trouble sleeping, over eat, under eat then serve ourselves guilt and shame. We are so busy maintaining this demanding pace that we often don’t slow to reflect and smell the roses until life takes control of the reins. And when this happens, as it inevitably does, we are reminded how little of life is really within our control. I love that Buddhist saying, “relax, nothing is under control!” It may be a mind flip, however, regardless of our personal opinions, life does inevitably impose change, reminding us our CEO position is certainly not reliable nor secure. Sometimes change is wrapped in illness or loss, more times than not it involves suffering. My teacher Adyashanti often says suffering is the great awakener, and I’ve experienced this so many times in my own life. I’m not sure why but I tend to learn the most through hardship. Bless the people who learn and grow with joy and grace ‘rainbows and butterflies style’. Truth be known, I’ve rarely managed this. For some reason I’ve often needed hardcore super course sandpaper to prepare me for surrender.

Yet…

Not this time!

I’m intercepting the “it has to be hard and full of suffering habit” and inviting in a new way.

Yes i’m curious about where this road show is headed, but rest assured I’m not bulldozing my way into it!

Yesterday I spent 2 hours on my hands and knees picking up pebbles and rocks from a dirt floor soon to become our temporary living area.

-Insert crazy here.-

The past year has overflowed with richness for me. I’ve lost precious people, grieved, worked hard at inviting discernment and the word ‘NO’ into my life which translated into saying yes to a whole lot more and I finally married my beloved. It’s been a big beautiful messy year. And what I’ve discovered in a nut shell is this:

1) Time is shorter than I think. I don’t actually know how many more breaths I’ve got. Or how many more my loved ones have either. And I want to love all over them and the world with as much of my heart and time as possible.

2) Having a big beautiful house is an immeasurable blessing and also a shitload of work and distraction from what matters to me the most.

3)I want to play with my children, haphazardly with reckless abandon.

4) I suck at playing with my children when I spend my days saying YES to too many societal or worldly invitations and not enough NO’s to things that don’t really matter.

5) I also suck at living in disorder or chaos and am so habituated to work to ‘straighten things out’, and rather than playing or writing,  I loyally serve the tasks of my house.

6) I’m ready. I’m ready to let go. I’m ready to play. I’m ready to give through my vulnerable authentic heart. I’m ready to ‘not know’.

And from this place I asked my husband if he would consider moving out of our home and into a caravan so I could simplify life down to what is fully present in my heart, right now… And this looks like time and spaciousness with my precious family, and time to write and explore this beautiful country we live in.  (I also plan to finish this book and surrender it to the world while I’m still alive!!)

Being an adventurous soul he was on board straight away. As was our youngest – 4 years. But miss 8, while she loves camping and travel, is super reluctant to leave her school for a year. She loves it. Loves her guides, her friends, the opportunities the school community offers. I can highly recommend Montessori Education! And while she has visions of where she wants to travel and clearly sees the market stall she wants to create, her sensitivity cautions her to change. I honour that! I’ve been a fool many times over and dived deep. Yet it’s a dance to hold her precious and also trust the alive invitations of life. Questioning my intentions can be another well wrapped invitation to mother guilt. Reminder to self: Unwrapping mother guilt IS optional.

Where I’m sitting now is smack bang in the middle of a house half packed, overflowing with chaos, and a bush camp half created yet far from complete. And I’m exhausted. I landed back here a week ago after a few weeks retreat in the USA. Silence is wonderful for clarity and surrender. I’ve begun the climb out of one overflowing constant life into a simpler more spacious one. Yet I’m in the messy middle. My previous life is dismantled and offers little comfort, yet the new foundations have a way to go before they offer any stability.

Any sense of comfort, safety or sanity is not going to come from outside of me. It’s a complete shitfight everywhere I look. This middle gap asks a real lot of me and offers nothing in return. And I could shove, push, force myself relentlessly, yet the sense I get is this:

Yes, keep showing up, however hold your heart tenderly, it is ever so courageous and precious and now is not a time for doubt or discouragement. Encourage it to trust, but please, no force. Invite what ever is present, be it pretty, ugly or indifferent to come, sit and drink tea. Sure, you may be a complete nutter giving up your home, maybe your children won’t be able to stand playing with you and your book will be a total flop, but that aliveness that is guiding you now and has guided you countless other times before has offered a 100% survival rate so far. Lean into those odds. And keep listening. The silence is loud if you take a moment to acknowledge it. Let’s ‘check in’ in a few months and see how this new life change is unfolding.

And in the meantime, be brave and ever so kind to yourself. Hang in there woman, you are doing a great job.

You never know what’s in store.
Take care dear ones.

Love Xox

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You see, for all that I’m aware of, there are countless other things I don’t know. Countless things that really matter that I completely miss. And I miss them on a daily basis. And you know what else, I’m doing my best. I keep showing up. It’s often messy, it might even be a surprise to you but I often fail to live up to my own expectations too. I lose my patience with my children, those little beings I love beyond comprehension, who are some of the greatest teachers I’ve ever had. I dodge vulnerability with my husband, that kind, wise generous man who shows up unendingly in my life. The man out of every single man on the planet I’ve chosen to bare my beautiful, bruised and often broken heart to while we do our best to serve the world together.

You see, the whole truth is that I get it wrong, again and again and again. Ignorance is certainly not a one off thing in my life.

But, my secret is not that I get it wrong. We all do that. My secret is that regardless of my mistakes and frailties, I keep showing up. Naked, foolish, often messy, yet willing. And that’s the entire secret of my life. I KEEP SHOWING UP. When I’m dragging myself over hot coals for all I’m not, I take a breath and remember kindness. I remind my self I have a lifetime, maybe many, to perfect this compassion gig. When I want to hide from the world and run away to some mystical place where life is easy, I choose patience with myself. I have to do this in a ‘one foot in front of the other’ kind of way, I often stumble, but I keep showing up. I gently tell myself this kindness tree I’m growing needs its roots to be deep into my own heart so I can share its shade with all beings. I use the judgements that arise in my mind, (and for the most part they are of myself), as a practice ground to gently usher myself back to the truth of things. And if judgements of others arise, (I realise this is almost a life or death matter), as soon as I can, I create a safe space for myself to be alone, to sit silently with that person in my mind, to listen deeply to where I hurt the most and to hold myself precious, for as long as I need to. Next, I imagine that person, and because I’ve been able to listen deeply to what I’m most scared of, somehow I find a way to listen deeply to what I imagine they are most scared of. And finally, when enough time has passed and it becomes alive, i soften and yield in the places in my tummy that Ive been holding tight. And I forgive us. Me and them. Cause I know my best looks different everyday, and undoubtedly theirs does too.

My challenge is that a long time ago, somewhere in my being, I planted a seed that at times still believes being right, means being safe or lovable or worthy. So when I’m tired or stretched or a bit more sensitive than usual I can grab for that old righteous armour and ‘try on’ being right. The sad part is that while it seems like it protects me from the hurt and sadness, it actually holds out the loving kindness and joy too.

So in roughly 3 weeks time I am going to board a plane, alone, to go to the USA to spend a few weeks in retreat and studying with my teacher. Maybe this is because I’m irresponsible, lacking foresight, self centered? It’s possible. At times I’m absolutely all these things.

And yes a part of me does feel like I am abandoning my family. To be honest it would be a lot easier to stay home and hide in the rhythms of this busy life. But as I’ve confessed, my secret is showing up. Showing up is the default switch I was somehow born with and that’s entirely what I plan to do. I plan to hire that car and drive myself to the Buddhist centre in Santa Cruz. I’m going to walk 10 minutes into the woods to sleep in that yurt surrounded by mountain lions. I’m going to leave my precious family here, alone, even though they might die of who knows what and leave me with more mother guilt than I could ever digest in 100 lifetimes, and I’m going to sit and listen to my teacher. I’m going to meditate. I’m going reflect on how to be kind, graceful, humble, forgiving. I’m going to sit in silence for one of those weeks and make friends with what ever arises. And at the end of that I’m going to spend a few days with my dear cousins husband. That precious man, who almost a year ago lost his wife to suicide. Not cause it will be easy, simply because loving all of this messy beautiful life is my only option.

So for the record, It is my whole hearted intention to keep dedicating my life to something bigger than I understand. To let unprecedented joy and ease in so I can spread more kindness and abundance than I know is possible. Then my plan is to surrender over and over again, and again and again, even when I don’t want to, so hopefully sooner rather than later, all beings may be free from suffering.

So please forgive me if I disappoint you. I’m doing the best I can. Please bear with me, I need all the patience and help I can get. Maybe we are not so different you and I?! Please take care until we meet again.

Kindness

Katie

The post Judge me….. appeared first on Kate M Foster.

Society seems to build this huge world of ideas around children starting school and the stark reality that once they begin, it will never be the same again. It is like a silent subscription service we all have to the milestones and doorways that we must pass through. Of course this is truthful, life does change at these gateways. And I wonder, what else is true?

What I have come to is this. While those major doorways we all know of and speak of do impact our lives forever, for me it is actually the little everyday ones that make the most difference. The seemingly insignificant moments I choose kindness, gentleness, compassion. What I have really been reflecting on over the past month leading up to Freya starting school is do I trust myself as a mum? Have I done enough? is she happy? To be honest when I dropped her at school this morning what I was really asking myself was “If this was the last time i got to see her, have I given enough?”. All big questions…

And for me they lead to guilt and shame. These two friends tap dance in with all their flashy style and for a time I lose myself in their invitations. How many times have I lost my patience and got angry, raised my voice, ignored her in a time of need, god forbid I even smacked her one day when I had NOTHING else left….. at this point my chest and tummy is so tight its hard to breathe…. my body takes over and that deep breath I just took, well it begins the process of airing the musty staleness of my inadequacies. Cause you know what, for all my failings as a mama, I love. I so holy fully love with my whole being that I could swallow the world before it knew what was coming. My devotion to my children is palpable, I have the strength of a lioness and at the same time I am willing to be the naked struggling fool time and time again if that is what it takes to open to life’s truest heart.

It has been a big week for me, I had my skin check on Monday and need to have two more moles off tomorrow. I dread going, I get scared and at the same time know it is necessary to care deeply for myself if I want to hang around and watch my girls grow. The past few days have been filled with that delicate yet intoxicating mixture of dancing with my fears around dying and resting in the deep gratitude I have for my life. I truly love every aspect of it, there is nothing I want for. I am happy.

On the weekend I caught up with a girlfriend who recently lost her mum to cancer and she shared some really powerful wisdom with me. She spoke of the beauty of death, of how truly sacred and special it is and how as a society we miss out on so much of what it has to offer. And she shared that for her, she felt her mum had given her everything she needed, that she now deeply trusted herself as a woman and mother, that her mother had been an incredible mum and guided her to trust herself right until she died.

What a gift, to leave a daughter who above all trusted in her own blessings, wisdom and goodness.

It is inevitable we will all have to let go of our precious ones. It is my greatest hope that when my turn comes to die, my girls can stand strong and yielding in themselves, that they understand I have given them all that I can and that I deeply trust them and their unique ways of travelling this adventure of life. That above all they know they are loved and never alone.

When I kissed Freya at the door this morning, I guess what i was really saying was thank you. Thank you for giving me this opportunity to love you, to grow alongside you and to let go of you. I can hear my heart gently whispering “Enjoy yourself precious one, this is a safe beautiful place and while this life is short, it wants nothing more than to serve you.

It feels like time for tea, so I’m off to put the kettle on and choose a beautiful cup to drink from. Thank you for meandering with me along this ever winding path.

With love from my heart xox

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