Read on and gain insight into our hearts and the daily choices we face to show up real for the benefit of others, especially when we are afraid.

Kate’s words:
Our family is a blended one. When Rob and I got together I had already birthed my precious firstborn, it was the three of us right from the start. It must have been hard for him? To be honest I don’t really understand the kind of love and courage step parents bring. I’ve never been in that position, I can only imagine it’s richer and more challenging than I’ll ever truly fathom or comprehend.

In my life I am blessed with the honour of watching two phenomenal humans step parent their way to divinity. I look on with awe, deep gratitude and often bewilderment with how they manage to navigate the complexities of our lives with such grace, kindness and willing hearts. Pearl’s biological dad is the same. His kindness, patience and compassion are a gift to all that know him.

Is it easy? Of course not. Do we all get scared? I’m guessing absolutely, I know I do. Are we stretched beyond any known comfort zone? Entirely. And alongside all this richness we all show up real, communicate to the best of our ability and do our unending inner work, the kind required to navigate any relationship, regardless of its makeup.

Rob is my husband, Pearl’s stepdad and father to Freya my precious second born. When we got together he made a very clear intention of doing all he could to support Pearls relationship with her dad. He often shares that while he can never offer her what Danny can, his willingness to love and support her is unending. He has done everything in his ability to care, support, provide and love her, as does her dad. Pearl often tells people “I have two dads, one’s a Christian, one’s a Buddhist, and I’m not either”. It’s a grand stunning conversation starter with grown ups (and highly entertaining to witness as an inconspicuous bystander).

The truth is I was petrified when Danny and I separated. I didn’t know how I would ever be able to hand my child over to another woman. I spent a lot of time praying and leaning into my heart about who he may choose to re-partner with. In my scared moments I would remind myself of his truest heart, his kindness and that there was some divine order in this great colossal mess. Other times I would just cry and feel broken, afraid, responsible for ruining my daughters life. I had a lot to let go of. I prayed hard for a kind heartful woman. I prayed hard for wisdom to know the way.

The day I met Clare I new my prayers had been answered. My first thoughts about her were “I could be friends with this woman”, I really liked her. Apart from her great taste in fashion (she was wearing the same green dress I had) she was kind and clear and open. She showed up. She made the effort to meet me and actually share her vulnerability. I decided right then this blended family thing could work.

I thought about how much courage she must have to love a man who already had a child and I decided that it was time to trust. I was way out of my depth. Trust was my only option.

I’m not sure how she navigated the richness of it all to show up real, yet she did, time and time again. I think the day I really realised she was my child’s other mother was the day she called me to see if it was ok to take Pearl to church. For the first time I truly understood the beauty of her heart. And the gift I had received in mothering alongside her. I was no longer alone, I had a strong, faithful woman showing up with such deep respect that I no longer had to fear for my child. It broke my heart open again to realise I don’t carry the responsibility alone. We share the role. The little woman, the daughter we share is growing more beautiful and diverse and understanding because of us. She has two faith filled passionate powerful women guiding her to listen, reflect and grow her own way. She has shade trees to rest under. She is ok. More than ok. She is thriving. I imagine one day we will all stand together as women, equals, silently resting into the rich beautiful tapestry that is life.

Clare and I have spoken about writing a book together. A book sharing our inner hearts and challenges and how we navigate this rich arena of life. I kind of imagine it like a map for fellow travellers. And even though we are all travelling in slightly different directions I’m pretty sure we are all carrying luggage of some kind. Clare came up with the idea of calling it Blended Bliss. I think it’s a great title and an opportunity for us to expand and share our definition of Bliss. Not just surviving blended families, actually thriving and growing in our capacity to forgive, love and serve.

You see sometimes we whittle bliss down to some neatly packaged euphoric state of sublime divinity. And we get the idea that life is supposed to look this way, neat and shiny, unendingly. Or scarier still we get the idea that blended families are meant to be hell, hard and full of suffering. The truth is our experience is so much more than either of these. You see Blended Bliss is the whole shebang. It’s not either/or, its everything and more. And with permission to get real and honest and connected to big picture long term intentions I believe any family, blended or not can navigate their way to wholesome connection and purpose.

Stay tuned. We are dreaming on how to contribute our experiences. Remember you are not alone and while your family will look different to ours, when we show up with open vulnerable hearts, we bring peace where there could be war. We change the world.

Clare’s Words:
In the beginning little did I know…… that one of the biggest lessons in life was just about to hit me.
I used to pray for my future husband, praying for the typical things, like a man of God, intelligent, funny and creative. I’m thankful I got all of those things. Dan would often say that God doesn’t always give you what you want, but what you need.

When I first met Dan, he told me pretty early on that he had a daughter from another relationship, I was surprised but went with it, little did I know what that really meant. In the haze of starting a new relationship, I almost took the information in like other stats, like how many brothers and sisters he had.

Dan had such passion for his daughter and it was so beautiful to see how much he loved her.

The first time I met Pearl…..

The week before, Dan had been saying to come along to a family dinner. I would get to meet his whole family and daughter for the first time, we had been dating for about 3 months. All week he had been saying to come along and when he cancelled the next day, I could tell he was nervous. I was nervous too.

I was brought up in the Methodist church, always volunteering and helping out in kids clubs. Children would often flock to me and therefore I felt pretty confident that Dan’s daughter and I would get along.

When this beautiful little soul was introduced to me, she looked at me with concern and weariness, hugging Dan’s leg. I thought, it’s daunting for a child to meet new people, it will change, or so I thought. This continued for the next year, my heart was broken.

This is where your vulnerability kicks in. On your journey as a step mother you present your love, you hope for acceptance, but you are not guaranteed an outcome. Rejection comes often.

It’s a matter of always offering your love, open hearted and open handed. There is a fearful part of me that wants self preservation, wants to guard my heart but the other part of me knows I just need to keep giving my love to Pearl.

Meeting Katie and Rob I was so nervous, I thought about how hard it must be for Katie, leaving your child into the care of others, especially with me and what I represented as ‘the other mother’ but Katie spoke with such gentleness and this allowed our vulnerabilities and insecurities to breathe. I felt truly comfortable. I am sure this wasn’t easy for Katie of which I am truly grateful.

Being a step mother is the hardest thing I have ever done. It leaves me raw and exposed in ways I have never felt before. And in this, there is also true beauty and a refiners fire. A beautiful life doesn’t come without cost.

In closing, together we offer these words:

When women support women and families support families, miracles happen. Stay brave people, together we’ve got this.

With love and kindness

Clare and Kate xo

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Look closely at this picture. It explains love. I was sad when I found my broken cup. Tea is a ritual in our home. I have treasured every tea I’ve had in it. I wasn’t ready to let it go. Almost defiantly I left the broken remnants on the bench to contemplate the next step…

I busied myself with cleaning and errands. Miss four interrupted asking for tape. I contemplated saying no as I was busy and it felt inconvenient yet I took a deep breath and rummaged through my Tetris caravan cupboards to find it. 10 or 15 minutes later I enquired what she was doing with the scissors and tape and with big joyful eyes she smiled and presented me with my cup. It’s all fixed mama. Bless her heart, it was completely sticky taped together. Even the gaping hole in the bottom had tape clumsily hanging over it.

The whole world opened to me in that moment and I remembered the truth of life.

Our innocents hearts are the same.

Eternally loving, infinitely giving, courageously vulnerable, showing up to perform the impossible.

May we all be blessed with innocent hearts.

Love and kindness ❤️KMF

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Her way was strong and clear and kind. She spoke her mind, she helped whoever was in front of her and she had an unshakable faith in Christ. Her Christianity wasn’t just the clean idealistic kind. Her faith was deeply rooted in showing up, getting her hands dirty, feeding mouths and healing wounds. She had a resilience and stamina rare in today’s world. Despite all she endured her kindness and loving heart remained the forefront of her life’s work, her soft blue ocean eyes never hardened, they looked at you with a love so deep its presence is forever etched in my being.

Her long life meant she farewelled so many of her loved ones and her ever present faith was the way she navigated this rich messy world.

When I visited her a few months back we both knew it would be the last time we would see each other. My mum, the girls and I baked her a cake as we always did when we were home, we had a tea party in her honour, she shared stories of her youth and we all shared words about the things we loved about her. I made times to visit her without the girls so we could talk about her faith and Jesus and what she felt about dying. She shared what she believed would happen. I asked her if she had regrets or if there was anything she felt ashamed about and we cried together as she shared she felt responsible for her mothers passing. She believed that if she had gone in to her mother earlier that morning long ago, she would not have fallen and broken her hip.

Even in that last visit she was teaching me with her enormous heart. Each of us carries hidden guilt and shame. I can only pray that at the end of my life I have as few regrets as she did.

It’s hard for me to fathom the way this life just comes to an end. From when I was young I always loved my time with Aunty Jean. Horses and animals and gardening and feeding the birds. We were equally as comfortable in silence or sharing and she gave me hope for the grown up I could one day become. She helped me set my bar of goodness and service and truth high, really high.

And she showed up like clockwork. Diligent, willing, able.

My last visit with her was so bittersweet, yet somehow her trust in this whole ‘life’ thing pulled me into her peace. She was surrendered. She did it her way. When the time came for me to leave her house that last day, as always she rose to walk me to the door. I shared I’d rather her rest as I would hate to be responsible for her falling over. She gave me a lecture about how I would not be responsible for her breaking a hip, that these things just happen and then we both laughed and cried some more and I like to think she made a bit more peace about her own mothers fall.

Sitting here today, I’m thinking of her sons, and their families, and the countless others that benefited from her loving kindness. All those that were blessed by her ocean eyes and strong healing hands. It’s hard to write through my tears. I think of my dad and the way his own mother was never able to offer him love or kindness and how Aunty Jean stepped into that role and loved him with the purity of her whole heart. Her love touched him with the motherly love he had not known. Aunty jeans love taught me the truth of mothers. A mothers infinite love is not bound to her own offspring, for love is not bound at all.

My dads love and loyalty to aunty Jean is immeasurable. I have no doubt her love will live on in him and countless others for the rest of their lives.

This is the truth of love. It shows up with open arms even, it’s not afraid of broken. It blesses with its grace.

It’s true that this life is brutal and hard and that at some point we all have to farewell 100% of the people we love. It is also true this life is rich and indescribably beautiful because of the kindness and love and generosity of humans like Aunty Jean.

I have no doubt when she passed she met her beloved Jesus in that bright light she spoke of that day. I pray that the love she left behind continues to love and heal and guide for infinite lifetimes to come.

Bless you Aunty Jean and thank you dear lady, the pleasure of your company was all mine Xxoo

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It was hard because alongside their accusations I had my own ‘what is the meaning of life thing’ going on. To be honest I can’t remember a time I wasn’t asking myself who I was? Questioning what this whole shebang of a life is about. What is the meaning of it all? And what is my place in it? And how do I serve the world without rocking the boat and being judged?

Mostly the common line of accusations and questions from the kids perplexed me because:
a) I knew part of me was whatever God was, so of course I was special.
b) They too were made of this same sacred source, them and I were entirely the same and I had no sense of feeling ‘more than’ or ‘ better than’ any of them.
And
c) When I would speak up about this sacred equality the rebuke of ‘listen to how you sound’ or ‘sure, you just walk like you’re better than the rest of us’ and similar would fly back at me.

Regardless of my efforts I could never convey the sense of sacred equality I felt with the whole world, at least not in a way they could understand.

So I started writing. I wrote to that divine source I didn’t entirely understand. And I listened for answers.

And I set about the business of playing it small. Not speaking up. If the mere presence of my voice, something I had no control over the sound of, was making people feel inferior then I better shut up. Keep quiet. Not stand out.

And this worked for a while.

Hiding does.

Yet hiding is never a permanent fix. It only works until life’s patience runs out.
Some of life’s plans for me were relentless spiritual seeking and study, reflection and even deeper questioning. I started 10 day silent retreats when I was 20. And for the first time I really understood that silence and being alone was my medicine. Gee maybe it’s even the worlds medicine.

Over the years Ive remembered many things about the truth of life and of course I’ve made peace with living in my own skin.

My voice, I’m so thankful for it. It’s one of the ways I share with the world. My walk, it’s taken me all over this precious earth, and in each place I’ve visited, I’ve shared kindness and love while serving and benefiting others.

Sometimes the remnants of these childhood experiences still guide me to new insights.
As I draw closer to 40 and step into a deeper role of teaching and serving the world I’ve been reflecting on what’s changing within my awareness.

When I look at the world I still see fragments of the divine. Each person a manifestation of truth. However I’m understanding more and more how we are all in different stages of remembering. So while we may all be equal, we all don’t know this to be true.

And this is why I teach. This is why I create sacred space and offer workshops and retreats. Why I share my heart daily. Why I show up vulnerable and real and write and speak.

Because my life purpose is to embody truth and share that with everyone, reflecting wakefulness through each phase and season of life.

Yes it takes courage for to be seen. To be heard. Yet I believe all beings are destined for liberation, me included and so my commitment is to be in service of all.

My invitation to the world is this. Draw near. You have full permission to remember. Come, I offer you all that I am. Share with me. Travel alongside me. Take what you wish from my offerings and leave the rest. All you need do is take the next natural step. And in return for your courage I dedicate and offer my entire existence to serving all beings, for this life and all future lifetimes if they come about. I am unwavering in my dedication.

This I know to be truth.

So whenever you are ready, I’m here.

See you on the road my friend ❤️

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Is it hard? Of course, all families are hard sometimes.

Do we agree on everything? No way, what family does?

Do we all show up when we are tired and grumpy and out of our depths? Yep. That’s courage, we couldn’t live without it.

Do we get scared? Overwhelmed? Feel out of our comfort zone? Absolutely, all of us, regularly.

You see blended families contain humans. And like all other humans on the planet we are fragile creatures. We each carry our own histories of hurts and heart breaks and dreams. All of us, without exception desire happiness and peace. And all of us would love to avoid sadness and suffering.

Do we manage happiness and peace all of the time. Of course not, and I’m not sure it would be helpful anyway. You see it is the seasons that bring change and growth and transformation. It’s the seasons that steal our leaves and scatter them at our feet. They strip our branches and then by some act of grace, when we’ve finally got to a place of acceptance on how our life really is now, that same fierce grace thrusts new blossoms upon branches, highlighting our vulnerability once again.

Regardless of how uncomfortable the seasons make us or what thoughts we have about their presence in our lives, we need them. They give us life. The seasons serve us. Support us. Encourage us. Guide us.

You see a raw diamond is nothing special. We may not even notice it. For diamonds require polishing. Lots of polishing. They are slow to submit yet once cut are profound reflectors of light and beauty.

Families are diamonds. Multi faceted diamonds.

To think we can have the light without the polishing is insanity.

Each family comes with unique challenges and blessings, so of course each family will require different tools and polishing.

For our family, communication has been the master polisher. Lots of it. More than is comfortable. Communication married to willing vulnerable hearts, clear far sighted intentions, life long motivations to support and benefit our child, and grace. Truckloads of grace.

You see communication creates trust. I’ve even heard it said that the definition of trust is communication. And with this definition, trust is never permanently lost, regardless of what has happened. Life asks from us a deep commitment to communicate, and when things are hard, to show up and communicate again. Supporting our family means regularly checking in with our far reaching intentions, communicating more than we find convenient and having courage to rebuild trust and connection in the hard times.

In families we are often very quick to jump to conclusions or judge others. We form ideas and interpretations of what things mean and can forget that first and foremost true communication begins with ourselves. Communication involves deep inner honesty and truth telling. True communication demands we show up and do our inner work. How can we ever be pillars of strength and trust and truth for anyone else if we have not made space to listen and honour our own hearts?

The most helpful and supportive learnings I’ve ever had for connecting and understanding myself and others is NVC. Nonviolent communication (or compassionate communication as it is also known) has become the foundation I’ve rebuilt my life around. When I was at a critical time of upheaval and change, in the early years of becoming a blended family, NVC, by some act of grace appeared in my life. Maybe reading this is the gentle nudge or invitation you’ve been waiting for? Maybe your way is different? Honour your guidance.

If you are interested I encourage you to google NVC. You will find countless free YouTube clips by its founder Marshall Rosenberg. There are books, teachings, retreats and more accessible all over the world. I rarely recommend teachers to others however I would not hesitate in recommending Shari Elle, a world renowned trainer I have studied with who is based in Sydney Australia. She runs regular foundation trainings all over the country. A two day time investment will change your life.

So whatever season you find yourself in right now and regardless of how your garden looks, I encourage you to take heart. To turn towards the insurmountable hills. To brave up and take time to get honest with the deepest parts of yourself.

And I assure you that with an open, willing and vulnerable heart, a dedication to learning and courage to move towards that which scares you, grace WILL find a way to move in your life.

Your diamond is being cut and polished, it is growing more luminous as you come to trust in the ever changing seasons of your own heart and life.

Take care my friend, we are not so different you and I.

Love and kindness
K xo

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