When I was a child kids would often tease me saying: Who do you think you are? You walk like you are someone special. You talk like you are someone special. Who made you queen?
It was hard because alongside their accusations I had my own ‘what is the meaning of life thing’ going on. To be honest I can’t remember a time I wasn’t asking myself who I was? Questioning what this whole shebang of a life is about. What is the meaning of it all? And what is my place in it? And how do I serve the world without rocking the boat and being judged?
Mostly the common line of accusations and questions from the kids perplexed me because:
a) I knew part of me was whatever God was, so of course I was special.
b) They too were made of this same sacred source, them and I were entirely the same and I had no sense of feeling ‘more than’ or ‘ better than’ any of them.
And
c) When I would speak up about this sacred equality the rebuke of ‘listen to how you sound’ or ‘sure, you just walk like you’re better than the rest of us’ and similar would fly back at me.
Regardless of my efforts I could never convey the sense of sacred equality I felt with the whole world, at least not in a way they could understand.
So I started writing. I wrote to that divine source I didn’t entirely understand. And I listened for answers.
And I set about the business of playing it small. Not speaking up. If the mere presence of my voice, something I had no control over the sound of, was making people feel inferior then I better shut up. Keep quiet. Not stand out.
And this worked for a while.
Hiding does.
Yet hiding is never a permanent fix. It only works until life’s patience runs out.
Some of life’s plans for me were relentless spiritual seeking and study, reflection and even deeper questioning. I started 10 day silent retreats when I was 20. And for the first time I really understood that silence and being alone was my medicine. Gee maybe it’s even the worlds medicine.
Over the years Ive remembered many things about the truth of life and of course I’ve made peace with living in my own skin.
My voice, I’m so thankful for it. It’s one of the ways I share with the world. My walk, it’s taken me all over this precious earth, and in each place I’ve visited, I’ve shared kindness and love while serving and benefiting others.
Sometimes the remnants of these childhood experiences still guide me to new insights.
As I draw closer to 40 and step into a deeper role of teaching and serving the world I’ve been reflecting on what’s changing within my awareness.
When I look at the world I still see fragments of the divine. Each person a manifestation of truth. However I’m understanding more and more how we are all in different stages of remembering. So while we may all be equal, we all don’t know this to be true.
And this is why I teach. This is why I create sacred space and offer workshops and retreats. Why I share my heart daily. Why I show up vulnerable and real and write and speak.
Because my life purpose is to embody truth and share that with everyone, reflecting wakefulness through each phase and season of life.
Yes it takes courage for to be seen. To be heard. Yet I believe all beings are destined for liberation, me included and so my commitment is to be in service of all.
My invitation to the world is this. Draw near. You have full permission to remember. Come, I offer you all that I am. Share with me. Travel alongside me. Take what you wish from my offerings and leave the rest. All you need do is take the next natural step. And in return for your courage I dedicate and offer my entire existence to serving all beings, for this life and all future lifetimes if they come about. I am unwavering in my dedication.
This I know to be truth.
So whenever you are ready, I’m here.
See you on the road my friend ❤️
