The post Imagine a human who loved her life……. appeared first on Kate M Foster.

It’s easy for me right!

I’ve got this dream life…

I have a relationship nothing short of miraculous and each day is vision of my greatest hopes and aspirations. All this IS true! Entirely!!!

AND… look a little further and you will see this DREAM LIFE is built upon a truckload of failure, sacrifice and showing up when I could have easily bowed out, taken the easy route, hid, settled or denied my deepest heart.

Do you know how often I am judged?

Daily.

Others can be so quick to judge the way I live, to criticise, diminish, measure,  compare or assume they have insight into who I am and how I came to this very moment. And the truth is, most people, even those closest, do not have a fricken clue.

Even people within my own family judge me for the ways they believe I am not living a life of integrity, compassion, generosity or kindness. Hell, how could I judge them for that when I spent so many years judging myself!

I accept the mess that is a small part of my life and my response to mess is this:

Go to town. Judge. Question. Gee even ridicule if you need. Resent if you must. You are entirely free to think, feel and subscribe to whatever life you want.

Spending your moments judging me is one way you are free to spend the finite moments of your life. I accept that. Yet, know this, I set boundaries. I don’t necessarily accept what you offer. You are free to slander and criticise and at the same time I will choose to honour self kindness again and again. This may mean I love you from a distance, because there is no way I will model ‘unwrapping other people’s pain’ and accepting it as my own to my children.

Kindness is many things. It may be a humble willing heartful yes I accept that, it may equally be a no way in hell is that ok.

In showing up I serve and support the people who want what I have to offer. People who are willing to accept what I CAN give. And for all the other people that remind me I am not yet enough for them, well bless them too. {As a side note it is important to acknowledge I may never ever again be what they want me to be}.

You know what I plan to do the moment I finish writing here, I’m going to continue celebrating this beautiful life and being deeply thankful for all of it. I will offer thanks for the courage I have to give to the world in all the ways that I already do and I will be thankful that I have learnt to set boundaries to honour peace and wellbeing in my life.

For as long as I live I will return to celebrating my beauty along with my frailties and my failures, cause each of these have birthed immeasurable gifts in my life and also the lives of many others.

The path to this moment certainly wasn’t easy….

BUT… and I do NOT BUT lightly, I would trade my life’s moments for it over and over again. I would walk through each refiners fire, heartbroken, yet willing to pay the price to be here NOW.

You may be interested to know that this beautiful dream life I live {which can change in any moment, and frequently has countless times before} is built upon heartbreak, abuse and a rock solid choice to honour life over death, freedom over security, love over resentment, forgiveness over suffering and self kindness over pleasing others.

So unlike my page, find another saviour or even hang around and judge on. The choice is yours.

Let me be clear.  It is my unwavering intention to serve life every breath by listening and following through. I show up in alignment with the highest consciousness I have access to in each and every moment. I promise to leave a clear map, a tried and true path to how I arrived here in this moment. You are free to harvest from this as you wish. But please know, I’m not here to save anyone’s ass, cause if ass’s could be saved no one I know would suffer. The world would be happy and at peace and everyone the world over would be living their dream lives!

The inconvenient truth is this,  you’ve gotta save your own ass.

However if you want company on the messy lonely path to your dream life, I’m here for you.

All love and honesty, KMF xo
 (I honour my ancestors, ALL of them. The ones I know and the ones I’ll never get to meet. I also acknowledge that my life rests upon the ‘life force’ that was given to my by my mother and father. Just like me, they have showed up and given the very best they can each and every moment. I honour that. I also honour my step dad for all the love and support he has given that has allowed me to become the human I am today.)

The post This Dream Life… appeared first on Kate M Foster.

My family is sleeping, the girls in their tent in our bedroom and Rob in our bed nearby. I cant go to sleep yet. I’m too worked up. There is an agitation in my body. It’s a nameless anger. Im not really sure why? When I listen to it I understand it is an ancient anger, an anger long carried in my ancestors lineage, that generation by generation has been passed along to the next and the next. It belongs to no one yet all of us. I pray it ends with me.

I suppose right now at this time it has arisen to return to its rightful home. It is coursing through my veins. If I was to get intimate with it, roll in it, ferment in it, who knows what might happen. I understand it isn’t asking for this. I also clearly understand that I must not turn from it either. For me to live and for this anger to find it’s way to peace, to return to oneness once again, it must be listened too, respected, acknowledged and at the same time given safe healthy boundaries of how it is welcome to allow itself to be known.

Sometimes when life asks me to step up my service to the world, old pockets of life also rise to be seen. Places where I am playing roles that not longer fit, roles that don’t serve me or the other humans involved. I guess now is one of those times.

When I was younger I honestly believed that anyone who truly served life and greatly benefited others had a picture perfect upbringing, deep loving connections with their family of origin (mother, father, siblings etc) and had their life fully sorted. You know the Disney movies kind of sorted! (Please be kind to me, I am prone to idealism).

Now in my 38th year I know this isn’t true, that while it may be possible, I am still yet to meet a human who truly embodies this Disney kind of reality. You see life is messy. Relationships are hard work. None of us have had the perfect conditions to grow yet each of us must do our best to keep blossoming where we are planted.

I am deeply thankful to my parents, both my biological parents and my dad who raised me. They have each offered as much love, generosity and support as they could. I honour and value all they have given yet I can never repay them in the same way. My role is different, I am their child. What I can do is pay it forward to my children and the world.

It sometime surprises me that I have my own family now, for a long time I don’t think i was fully here for my children, I was still immersed in my family of origin. Just as I witnessed my parents dancing with patterns from their families and stepping away from their childhood roles, I realise I am being asked to do the same.

It can never be the way it was when I was younger, life keeps moving on whether we want it to or not.

My relationship with my family of origin certainly isn’t perfect. The sobering reality is that I can not give them what they want and this is hard for everyone.

I understand now that if my love could have saved them from hardships or suffering it would have happened long ago. Maybe it was simply never my job to make it right for them? Each of us suffers and no one can ever know the truth of how or why. We each have an inner world so vast no other human could ever grasp it completely, it was ignorant of me to imagine I could be the one to save any of them. Regardless of how each of our lives look, I acknowledge we are all doing our best in this big beautiful messy dance.

I often say kindness looks many ways. Kindness can be counter intuitive. Being kind isn’t always saying yes, sometimes the most compassionate response is a clear discerning no.

The truth is my love for my family has not changed, however my boundaries have.

I am a grown up now. I have my own family. And while I honour my past none of us can live our lives backwards. We can only serve and support life here and now. People get to choose whether they want what we can offer. We also must listen and discern whether we can offer what they are asking for.

Finally I have given myself permission to be happy and enjoy today, with or without my families blessing.

You see I am allowed to be happy even if they are not. Not from a heartless inconsiderate place, rather a place of acknowledging we are all so intimately connected and woven together whether we choose to acknowledge it or not. We belong to each other whether we believe it or not.

The truth of life asks each of us to step into the kind of brave that may even be required to love from a distance for a chapter, maybe even a lifetime.

With this space my courage continues to grow. My trust in all the seasons a constant companion in my aloneness. I am filled with a deep sense of wonder for this peculiar curious life.

In my ever growing garden of gratitude there are more than enough flowers to share with everyone, however they may not be the flowers you are wanting?!

So even if you don’t want what I am offering I encourage you to value yourself, care deeply for your own precious heart, show up for yourself in the ways you long for life to care for you and maybe even create some boundaries.

Autumn is settling in and I am cold, sleep is closer now. I have written my way back to peace as I so often do. Thank goodness for this way to honour all the colours that I am. Writing is my forever friend until i no longer can.

Before I go please know I honour my family and all of your families too. They have given all they can and each of us are grownups now. I pray that all beings on this planet find a way to health, peace, happiness and purpose in this life… And as we are in the grownup business of asking for the things we would like, may I also request some lavish joy and celebration for all of us too.

Sleep sweet if you are on my side of the earth, enjoy your day if you are floating in sunshine.

All love and gratitude for the richness of this life, KMF xo

The post Anger lives here…. appeared first on Kate M Foster.

Bless her heart, she landed in a feathered nest of complete joyful sanity!

These happy glasses have been in my care since i was 20. While growing through a particularly challenging chapter of life I was treasure hunting in an op shop and found them. I promptly removed their thick dark glass and put them on. My life changed in that moment.  The lady in the op shop told me they suited me perfectly and i didn’t need to pay for them as i didn’t need the glass lenses! They were a precious gift! Life is good.

These happy glasses became my ‘instant joyful perspective’ when i lacked perspective of my own. They still sit on my writing desk next to my computer at home. Ive even taken to expressing my creativity by making ‘happy glasses’ as presents for a few of my dear friends. I like to believe my creations are a little more refined, and they are if you insert imagination!

Everyone needs a pair of happy glasses. They take the seriousness of life away. I have been known, on more than one occasion, to do my complete grocery shop wearing these glasses. I have mastered the art of cool surrender, i give a simple smile at those humans that stare then continue ‘being as normal as i can’, making my way down the grocery aisles.

The insanity of these glasses instantly gifts sanity to my life. When wearing them I remember the truth of things, i cease taking MYself so seriously and some days i even cease being a self at all!

So if you are having a hard moment, day or chapter, maybe you can find some happy glasses? Or maybe me being a fool is enough to introduce some sacred silliness into you day. Some days life is hard and messy, it doesn’t mean we are not allowed to smile or have some fun.

In finishing let me quote kermit the frog:

“Don’t take life so seriously, you are not going to get out of it alive anyway”.

Take care beautiful people and have some fun in this great big mess if you can.

With love and kindness, KMF xo

The post Do you need a pair of happy glasses? Mine work wonders every time i wear them! appeared first on Kate M Foster.

Read on and gain insight into our hearts and the daily choices we face to show up real for the benefit of others, especially when we are afraid.

Kate’s words:
Our family is a blended one. When Rob and I got together I had already birthed my precious firstborn, it was the three of us right from the start. It must have been hard for him? To be honest I don’t really understand the kind of love and courage step parents bring. I’ve never been in that position, I can only imagine it’s richer and more challenging than I’ll ever truly fathom or comprehend.

In my life I am blessed with the honour of watching two phenomenal humans step parent their way to divinity. I look on with awe, deep gratitude and often bewilderment with how they manage to navigate the complexities of our lives with such grace, kindness and willing hearts. Pearl’s biological dad is the same. His kindness, patience and compassion are a gift to all that know him.

Is it easy? Of course not. Do we all get scared? I’m guessing absolutely, I know I do. Are we stretched beyond any known comfort zone? Entirely. And alongside all this richness we all show up real, communicate to the best of our ability and do our unending inner work, the kind required to navigate any relationship, regardless of its makeup.

Rob is my husband, Pearl’s stepdad and father to Freya my precious second born. When we got together he made a very clear intention of doing all he could to support Pearls relationship with her dad. He often shares that while he can never offer her what Danny can, his willingness to love and support her is unending. He has done everything in his ability to care, support, provide and love her, as does her dad. Pearl often tells people “I have two dads, one’s a Christian, one’s a Buddhist, and I’m not either”. It’s a grand stunning conversation starter with grown ups (and highly entertaining to witness as an inconspicuous bystander).

The truth is I was petrified when Danny and I separated. I didn’t know how I would ever be able to hand my child over to another woman. I spent a lot of time praying and leaning into my heart about who he may choose to re-partner with. In my scared moments I would remind myself of his truest heart, his kindness and that there was some divine order in this great colossal mess. Other times I would just cry and feel broken, afraid, responsible for ruining my daughters life. I had a lot to let go of. I prayed hard for a kind heartful woman. I prayed hard for wisdom to know the way.

The day I met Clare I new my prayers had been answered. My first thoughts about her were “I could be friends with this woman”, I really liked her. Apart from her great taste in fashion (she was wearing the same green dress I had) she was kind and clear and open. She showed up. She made the effort to meet me and actually share her vulnerability. I decided right then this blended family thing could work.

I thought about how much courage she must have to love a man who already had a child and I decided that it was time to trust. I was way out of my depth. Trust was my only option.

I’m not sure how she navigated the richness of it all to show up real, yet she did, time and time again. I think the day I really realised she was my child’s other mother was the day she called me to see if it was ok to take Pearl to church. For the first time I truly understood the beauty of her heart. And the gift I had received in mothering alongside her. I was no longer alone, I had a strong, faithful woman showing up with such deep respect that I no longer had to fear for my child. It broke my heart open again to realise I don’t carry the responsibility alone. We share the role. The little woman, the daughter we share is growing more beautiful and diverse and understanding because of us. She has two faith filled passionate powerful women guiding her to listen, reflect and grow her own way. She has shade trees to rest under. She is ok. More than ok. She is thriving. I imagine one day we will all stand together as women, equals, silently resting into the rich beautiful tapestry that is life.

Clare and I have spoken about writing a book together. A book sharing our inner hearts and challenges and how we navigate this rich arena of life. I kind of imagine it like a map for fellow travellers. And even though we are all travelling in slightly different directions I’m pretty sure we are all carrying luggage of some kind. Clare came up with the idea of calling it Blended Bliss. I think it’s a great title and an opportunity for us to expand and share our definition of Bliss. Not just surviving blended families, actually thriving and growing in our capacity to forgive, love and serve.

You see sometimes we whittle bliss down to some neatly packaged euphoric state of sublime divinity. And we get the idea that life is supposed to look this way, neat and shiny, unendingly. Or scarier still we get the idea that blended families are meant to be hell, hard and full of suffering. The truth is our experience is so much more than either of these. You see Blended Bliss is the whole shebang. It’s not either/or, its everything and more. And with permission to get real and honest and connected to big picture long term intentions I believe any family, blended or not can navigate their way to wholesome connection and purpose.

Stay tuned. We are dreaming on how to contribute our experiences. Remember you are not alone and while your family will look different to ours, when we show up with open vulnerable hearts, we bring peace where there could be war. We change the world.

Clare’s Words:
In the beginning little did I know…… that one of the biggest lessons in life was just about to hit me.
I used to pray for my future husband, praying for the typical things, like a man of God, intelligent, funny and creative. I’m thankful I got all of those things. Dan would often say that God doesn’t always give you what you want, but what you need.

When I first met Dan, he told me pretty early on that he had a daughter from another relationship, I was surprised but went with it, little did I know what that really meant. In the haze of starting a new relationship, I almost took the information in like other stats, like how many brothers and sisters he had.

Dan had such passion for his daughter and it was so beautiful to see how much he loved her.

The first time I met Pearl…..

The week before, Dan had been saying to come along to a family dinner. I would get to meet his whole family and daughter for the first time, we had been dating for about 3 months. All week he had been saying to come along and when he cancelled the next day, I could tell he was nervous. I was nervous too.

I was brought up in the Methodist church, always volunteering and helping out in kids clubs. Children would often flock to me and therefore I felt pretty confident that Dan’s daughter and I would get along.

When this beautiful little soul was introduced to me, she looked at me with concern and weariness, hugging Dan’s leg. I thought, it’s daunting for a child to meet new people, it will change, or so I thought. This continued for the next year, my heart was broken.

This is where your vulnerability kicks in. On your journey as a step mother you present your love, you hope for acceptance, but you are not guaranteed an outcome. Rejection comes often.

It’s a matter of always offering your love, open hearted and open handed. There is a fearful part of me that wants self preservation, wants to guard my heart but the other part of me knows I just need to keep giving my love to Pearl.

Meeting Katie and Rob I was so nervous, I thought about how hard it must be for Katie, leaving your child into the care of others, especially with me and what I represented as ‘the other mother’ but Katie spoke with such gentleness and this allowed our vulnerabilities and insecurities to breathe. I felt truly comfortable. I am sure this wasn’t easy for Katie of which I am truly grateful.

Being a step mother is the hardest thing I have ever done. It leaves me raw and exposed in ways I have never felt before. And in this, there is also true beauty and a refiners fire. A beautiful life doesn’t come without cost.

In closing, together we offer these words:

When women support women and families support families, miracles happen. Stay brave people, together we’ve got this.

With love and kindness

Clare and Kate xo

The post Blended Bliss… Blended Families and navigating the richness of life. appeared first on Kate M Foster.

My message is this:

Show up.

Be kind to yourself.

Be kind to others.

Its that simple.

Remember life is not as complicated as we pretend it to be.

The post The simple Truth. appeared first on Kate M Foster.