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It’s easy for me right!

I’ve got this dream life…

I have a relationship nothing short of miraculous and each day is vision of my greatest hopes and aspirations. All this IS true! Entirely!!!

AND… look a little further and you will see this DREAM LIFE is built upon a truckload of failure, sacrifice and showing up when I could have easily bowed out, taken the easy route, hid, settled or denied my deepest heart.

Do you know how often I am judged?

Daily.

Others can be so quick to judge the way I live, to criticise, diminish, measure,  compare or assume they have insight into who I am and how I came to this very moment. And the truth is, most people, even those closest, do not have a fricken clue.

Even people within my own family judge me for the ways they believe I am not living a life of integrity, compassion, generosity or kindness. Hell, how could I judge them for that when I spent so many years judging myself!

I accept the mess that is a small part of my life and my response to mess is this:

Go to town. Judge. Question. Gee even ridicule if you need. Resent if you must. You are entirely free to think, feel and subscribe to whatever life you want.

Spending your moments judging me is one way you are free to spend the finite moments of your life. I accept that. Yet, know this, I set boundaries. I don’t necessarily accept what you offer. You are free to slander and criticise and at the same time I will choose to honour self kindness again and again. This may mean I love you from a distance, because there is no way I will model ‘unwrapping other people’s pain’ and accepting it as my own to my children.

Kindness is many things. It may be a humble willing heartful yes I accept that, it may equally be a no way in hell is that ok.

In showing up I serve and support the people who want what I have to offer. People who are willing to accept what I CAN give. And for all the other people that remind me I am not yet enough for them, well bless them too. {As a side note it is important to acknowledge I may never ever again be what they want me to be}.

You know what I plan to do the moment I finish writing here, I’m going to continue celebrating this beautiful life and being deeply thankful for all of it. I will offer thanks for the courage I have to give to the world in all the ways that I already do and I will be thankful that I have learnt to set boundaries to honour peace and wellbeing in my life.

For as long as I live I will return to celebrating my beauty along with my frailties and my failures, cause each of these have birthed immeasurable gifts in my life and also the lives of many others.

The path to this moment certainly wasn’t easy….

BUT… and I do NOT BUT lightly, I would trade my life’s moments for it over and over again. I would walk through each refiners fire, heartbroken, yet willing to pay the price to be here NOW.

You may be interested to know that this beautiful dream life I live {which can change in any moment, and frequently has countless times before} is built upon heartbreak, abuse and a rock solid choice to honour life over death, freedom over security, love over resentment, forgiveness over suffering and self kindness over pleasing others.

So unlike my page, find another saviour or even hang around and judge on. The choice is yours.

Let me be clear.  It is my unwavering intention to serve life every breath by listening and following through. I show up in alignment with the highest consciousness I have access to in each and every moment. I promise to leave a clear map, a tried and true path to how I arrived here in this moment. You are free to harvest from this as you wish. But please know, I’m not here to save anyone’s ass, cause if ass’s could be saved no one I know would suffer. The world would be happy and at peace and everyone the world over would be living their dream lives!

The inconvenient truth is this,  you’ve gotta save your own ass.

However if you want company on the messy lonely path to your dream life, I’m here for you.

All love and honesty, KMF xo
 (I honour my ancestors, ALL of them. The ones I know and the ones I’ll never get to meet. I also acknowledge that my life rests upon the ‘life force’ that was given to my by my mother and father. Just like me, they have showed up and given the very best they can each and every moment. I honour that. I also honour my step dad for all the love and support he has given that has allowed me to become the human I am today.)

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My family is sleeping, the girls in their tent in our bedroom and Rob in our bed nearby. I cant go to sleep yet. I’m too worked up. There is an agitation in my body. It’s a nameless anger. Im not really sure why? When I listen to it I understand it is an ancient anger, an anger long carried in my ancestors lineage, that generation by generation has been passed along to the next and the next. It belongs to no one yet all of us. I pray it ends with me.

I suppose right now at this time it has arisen to return to its rightful home. It is coursing through my veins. If I was to get intimate with it, roll in it, ferment in it, who knows what might happen. I understand it isn’t asking for this. I also clearly understand that I must not turn from it either. For me to live and for this anger to find it’s way to peace, to return to oneness once again, it must be listened too, respected, acknowledged and at the same time given safe healthy boundaries of how it is welcome to allow itself to be known.

Sometimes when life asks me to step up my service to the world, old pockets of life also rise to be seen. Places where I am playing roles that not longer fit, roles that don’t serve me or the other humans involved. I guess now is one of those times.

When I was younger I honestly believed that anyone who truly served life and greatly benefited others had a picture perfect upbringing, deep loving connections with their family of origin (mother, father, siblings etc) and had their life fully sorted. You know the Disney movies kind of sorted! (Please be kind to me, I am prone to idealism).

Now in my 38th year I know this isn’t true, that while it may be possible, I am still yet to meet a human who truly embodies this Disney kind of reality. You see life is messy. Relationships are hard work. None of us have had the perfect conditions to grow yet each of us must do our best to keep blossoming where we are planted.

I am deeply thankful to my parents, both my biological parents and my dad who raised me. They have each offered as much love, generosity and support as they could. I honour and value all they have given yet I can never repay them in the same way. My role is different, I am their child. What I can do is pay it forward to my children and the world.

It sometime surprises me that I have my own family now, for a long time I don’t think i was fully here for my children, I was still immersed in my family of origin. Just as I witnessed my parents dancing with patterns from their families and stepping away from their childhood roles, I realise I am being asked to do the same.

It can never be the way it was when I was younger, life keeps moving on whether we want it to or not.

My relationship with my family of origin certainly isn’t perfect. The sobering reality is that I can not give them what they want and this is hard for everyone.

I understand now that if my love could have saved them from hardships or suffering it would have happened long ago. Maybe it was simply never my job to make it right for them? Each of us suffers and no one can ever know the truth of how or why. We each have an inner world so vast no other human could ever grasp it completely, it was ignorant of me to imagine I could be the one to save any of them. Regardless of how each of our lives look, I acknowledge we are all doing our best in this big beautiful messy dance.

I often say kindness looks many ways. Kindness can be counter intuitive. Being kind isn’t always saying yes, sometimes the most compassionate response is a clear discerning no.

The truth is my love for my family has not changed, however my boundaries have.

I am a grown up now. I have my own family. And while I honour my past none of us can live our lives backwards. We can only serve and support life here and now. People get to choose whether they want what we can offer. We also must listen and discern whether we can offer what they are asking for.

Finally I have given myself permission to be happy and enjoy today, with or without my families blessing.

You see I am allowed to be happy even if they are not. Not from a heartless inconsiderate place, rather a place of acknowledging we are all so intimately connected and woven together whether we choose to acknowledge it or not. We belong to each other whether we believe it or not.

The truth of life asks each of us to step into the kind of brave that may even be required to love from a distance for a chapter, maybe even a lifetime.

With this space my courage continues to grow. My trust in all the seasons a constant companion in my aloneness. I am filled with a deep sense of wonder for this peculiar curious life.

In my ever growing garden of gratitude there are more than enough flowers to share with everyone, however they may not be the flowers you are wanting?!

So even if you don’t want what I am offering I encourage you to value yourself, care deeply for your own precious heart, show up for yourself in the ways you long for life to care for you and maybe even create some boundaries.

Autumn is settling in and I am cold, sleep is closer now. I have written my way back to peace as I so often do. Thank goodness for this way to honour all the colours that I am. Writing is my forever friend until i no longer can.

Before I go please know I honour my family and all of your families too. They have given all they can and each of us are grownups now. I pray that all beings on this planet find a way to health, peace, happiness and purpose in this life… And as we are in the grownup business of asking for the things we would like, may I also request some lavish joy and celebration for all of us too.

Sleep sweet if you are on my side of the earth, enjoy your day if you are floating in sunshine.

All love and gratitude for the richness of this life, KMF xo

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This is how I like to remember her most, happy, free and letting the joy of life flow through her. The truth is her death was long and slow, yet in this picture she is free of that. She is free to dance, to sing, to play and to look at the beauty and gifts her sacred sacrifice set forth on this earth.

I bow to her courage. I know my own heart through hers.

Norma Margaret, you paved the way for this moment. I love you forever.

I wish each of you reading this could taste and feel and smell the joy of this moment. I wish the love could permeate your whole being so you once again remember the truth of this life. Yet all I can do is find some frail words that shall never express the preciousness of this life nor this moment.

Our lineage is powerful. We take this breath because of the gifts and sacrifice of all who came before us. We stand as an offering of love. We exist simply as an embodied expression of truth, we exist to share and serve and bless all we encounter.

Wherever you find yourself in this moment, may you be blessed. May your gifts overflow to fill this whole wide world with peace and purpose, love and a gentle joy. May kindness be a salve that saturates your entire being and may it puddle at your feet, infecting the whole planet wherever you wander.

All love, KMF xo

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There is a danger in attending an amazing school like Montessori International College, you can become biased and shiny and spiritual and righteous about education and the best way to support children.

While I am often the first to share my love for the school my girls attend, the past year has graciously reminded me learning with presence is the ultimate gift.

My daughters have spent their early years in Yumi and Cooinda and their guides have been nothing short of exceptional. These humans are kind, clear and focussed on supporting the unique expressions of each child in their care. One danger for me is that all the awe and gratitude I feel for the gifts they impart can sometimes start to blind me to all the other ways of guiding and supporting children. This ignorance is entirely my own doing, it has nothing to do with the MIC School, i simply got comfortable and complacent and stopped looking for beauty in learning environments everywhere across this amazing planet.

On our travels around Australia our two girls who had attended Montessori from the start were fortunate to attend two other schools. The first was a tiny public school in a remote indigenous desert community in central Australia. The second a public school in Exmouth WA. They spent nearly 3 weeks in the community school and almost a month in Exmouth and over that time the gifts they received and offered were nothing short of amazing. It was a profound experience to witness their growth and learning over these varied chapters.

Was i scared when they first left my care and entered these ‘mainstream’ environments? Absolutely! I was afraid they might not be held or cared for or given the space they needed to learn and be supported within the traditional framework that is mainstream schooling. I was afraid this may negatively impact their self connection, that they may be negatively influenced or not valued for their sensitivities and learning styles.

Can you guess what happened?

They both thrived. They adapted. They learnt greater flexibility. They were brave and they were lovingly held and cared for by amazing teachers and communities in both instances.

One thing i know to be true is that there are good people everywhere. You see I have friends that teach and work in mainstream schools, private and public schools, Steiner and Montessori schools and some of these teachers have even chosen to home school their children. And you know what they all have in common? Kindness, compassion, care and a genuine desire to support children to grow, learn, discover and build a deep and lasting relationship with themselves through empathy and presence.

My ignorance sometimes judged other learning environments as less than. My fears blinded my vision for the goodness that exists in humans everywhere. Fortunately my rigid certainties were softened as my understanding of my children’s safety grew in these new and varied environments.

School days in the community meant no uniform, a wake up alarm would sound in the morning, another to remind you to have breakfast and a final call to come to school (although their enthusiasm often had them at school long before that last call arrived). School days often went from early morning to dusk. Nightfall reluctantly brought them home. The girls learnt in both a traditional classroom environment and with visits to country, living intimately with the land as an equally valuable teacher. They gathered bush foods, learnt language, dance and culture. They sat with elders on the earth listening to stories as old as 60,000 years. The first day they attended they ran out of the van, along the road and in the school gate. By the third day they would run out of the van, through the desert grass to the nearest 5 foot fence, scale it and continue running to join in with their friends. Formalities fell away, a new connection and presence opened within them. They shared meals with the whole community each lunch, they sang and read together, they built wiltja’s and found birds eggs and tinka’s (lizards) and had more temporary pets than we have ever had in our lives. They learnt about the richness of life and the interconnected nature of death. They ate maku (witchety grubs) malu (kangaroo) tjarla (honey ants) and damper with honey. They collected grasses, made jewellery with the elders, they absorbed through presence downloads from their teachers. It was a timeless sacred experience.

Exmouth offered other opportunities for learning. They had their first uniform ( Freya loved it, she found it novel she got to wear a ‘costume’ everyday while Pearl was tentative about looking like everyone else.) While lesson delivery and the work structure was quite different to their previous experience, the kindness, care and support from their teachers over this time saw both the girls thrive in their learning, expression and courage. Pearl danced and sang and found a new way to share, she read and did homework and questioned the why’s and how’s of the education system. Freya loved the social community she found herself immersed in, she even performed at assembly on her second day at school.

The teachers that guided their learning over this time were exceptional humans. Their willing hearts, their kindness and care, their devotion to supporting the girls learn and expand their education planted seeds that will continue to blossom and grow their whole lives.

I learnt so much over this time too. I’m celebrating I had the opportunity to remember it’s not so much about where they go to school, or the particular system they are in, yet rather the kindness, care and presence of the human beings who guide them.

When i was a little girl i would often call my teacher over to ask a question simply so i could rest in her presence. While she answered the question i would rest in the shade her kindness offered. Maybe it wasn’t the ‘information’ i needed to learn and grow but rather her presence, compassion and care. With my teacher nearby i knew it was safe to open up and explore life. Living alongside my daughters for these expanding times reminded me so much about the true gifts teachers offer.

In todays world there is often much pressure placed on teachers. It can almost seem like they have to ‘perform’ and ensure our children tick all the required educational boxes. I wish i could free them from that heavy load and reassure them that it’s the humanness they share with my daughters which leaves lifelong lasting gifts. I wish we could all remember that maybe it is less about the systems, structure and delivery of materials and more about the presence, kindness and care we embody when guiding others. To me it seems that kindness and care and holding everyone precious regardless of differences is really what the world needs right now. It seems to be kindness, acceptance and care that connects each of us together and ultimately results in learning, discovery and the realisation of the vastness of our human potential.

I bow in reverence and gratitude to all teachers the whole world over. May they be supported with empathy and deep respect, may they be honoured and given space to share their true gifts and may we each be fortunate to be guided by humans such as these.

Lets keep learning our whole lives.

With love and kindness, KMF xo

PS. Special thanks to all the amazing teachers and guides that have blessed my family with their presence, kindness and care. You downloads of ‘being’ are infinitely appreciated xox

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Did you know my nan carried me in her womb too? The eggs that would one day grow me were already planted deep inside my mama before she was born. That means my nan held me tight and has influenced me in more ways than I can ever comprehend. It’s the same for you too. Wild isn’t it!

Lineage is such a sacred powerful thing.

We are so much more than we could ever comprehend.

I love that. It also frightens me sometimes.

I’ve begun writing my next book, it may take another two decades? Who knows? One thing I am celebrating is the strength of the women in my lineage. In writing their stories it feels like I am somehow setting them free. I love honouring their remarkable resilience, love and dedication to all of life. They are the roots that have given me wings.

Over this past year I’ve visited family in almost every state. Ive met nephews, aunts, uncles, sisters and even a Grandma that I never knew I had. It’s been powerful and profound and healing and sacred. Its been a celebration of the mess and shame and guilt that was long hidden. Its been a coming together of all the fragments that were floating around me never quite knowing where they belonged. I love my lineage. All of it. The light, the dark and the shadows in between. I love the tenderness of shame, the brutality of guilt, I even love the fragility of my messy imperfect self.

You see if I can make peace with the whole big mess that I am, I believe it is possible for everyone and that’s entirely what I plan to share in this memoir.

It’s a book about how the holes make us holy. It is my biased account of the beauty, the richness and the sacred holy mess that is family life. I am that mess. Im glad for all of it. And no matter how shiny and sparkly any family looks we each carry the weight of shame, guilt and all that is left hidden.

It’s time to live.

How ever many days I have remaining on this planet are dedicated to love, kindness and truth above all else.

Are you brave enough to meet me here? To sit in the holes until you once again remember the unshakable holiness that never left your side?

With love from my heart,

KMF xo

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We live on an amazing planet. Miraculous wonders rest anywhere our eyes may glance. And at times I still get very involved with my thoughts and miss these wonders, I miss many precious moments of beauty and magic, moments that are right in front of me everyday inviting me to presence. That’s ok, my best changes.

During our stay at Monkey Mia we were very fortunate to be chosen to meet the dolphins, however what I want to share with you is an experience I had while waiting at the edge of the water, in a great big line with everyone else.

In the 15 minutes or so that the dolphins were swimming up and down the shore line, taking in all the humans and awaiting their tiny morsel of fish, they would often stop, roll onto their sides and somehow ‘absorb’ or ‘take in’ the human in front of them.

For as long as I can remember I have wanted to interact and experience the wonder of dolphins. There was one time I was swimming in the ocean and they appeared. I was alone and pretrified, I didn’t actually have the presence to know they were dolphins. Fins appeared, I thought they were sharks and  I almost pulled a Jesus and walked across the surface of the water to get back to the beach.

Over my life I have heard many wonderful stories about dolphins. About ten years ago, while at the beach, a young indigenous boy was rammed by a shark. Miraculously dolphins appeared and 4 of them swam circles around him while he swam back to shore. They ensured his safety. They somehow knew. Something beyond words exists in their presence and for me this day was testament to miracles.

I learnt while at Monkey Mia that the part of their brains that empathises and relates to others is the largest of any species on the planet. Apparently they also see in sonar, which means they can see through our beings like an Xray.

While i was standing on that shoreline, learning about their lives and daily ways, one of these dolphins stopped in front of me, rolled onto her side and locked eyes with me. Im not sure exactly what happened, I’m certainly not into shiny spiritual experiences, yet there was a wave of something that pulsed through my whole being when her eyes locked with mine. Time stood still and i was immersed in an intense sensation of love in my whole being. My eyes leaked as I was immersed in her presence.

And in that ocean of love that pulsed between us somehow I understood that she was made of the same love and wonder that makes the whole universe spin,

and i was too.

Little moments change us. Im not sure how. I simply wanted to share this experience with you and offer it for the benefit of all.

May the peace and love and wonder of this miraculous creature find its way to your heart today.

With love and kindness, KMF xo

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Bless her heart, she landed in a feathered nest of complete joyful sanity!

These happy glasses have been in my care since i was 20. While growing through a particularly challenging chapter of life I was treasure hunting in an op shop and found them. I promptly removed their thick dark glass and put them on. My life changed in that moment.  The lady in the op shop told me they suited me perfectly and i didn’t need to pay for them as i didn’t need the glass lenses! They were a precious gift! Life is good.

These happy glasses became my ‘instant joyful perspective’ when i lacked perspective of my own. They still sit on my writing desk next to my computer at home. Ive even taken to expressing my creativity by making ‘happy glasses’ as presents for a few of my dear friends. I like to believe my creations are a little more refined, and they are if you insert imagination!

Everyone needs a pair of happy glasses. They take the seriousness of life away. I have been known, on more than one occasion, to do my complete grocery shop wearing these glasses. I have mastered the art of cool surrender, i give a simple smile at those humans that stare then continue ‘being as normal as i can’, making my way down the grocery aisles.

The insanity of these glasses instantly gifts sanity to my life. When wearing them I remember the truth of things, i cease taking MYself so seriously and some days i even cease being a self at all!

So if you are having a hard moment, day or chapter, maybe you can find some happy glasses? Or maybe me being a fool is enough to introduce some sacred silliness into you day. Some days life is hard and messy, it doesn’t mean we are not allowed to smile or have some fun.

In finishing let me quote kermit the frog:

“Don’t take life so seriously, you are not going to get out of it alive anyway”.

Take care beautiful people and have some fun in this great big mess if you can.

With love and kindness, KMF xo

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After the words landed on the page i realised it was possible all of us may like to read a few of them. They were shared in the context that somehow, in our own unique ways, we are all juggling life. We all dance with how to live a life deeply connected to those we love while also balancing our contributions and purpose…….

“Spaciousness seems to be a common dance for the feminine, our empathic loving hearts yearn to be of service to all. It’s the hours in our human days that seem the challenge. In a conversation i once shared with a buddhist nun i told her that to me, she always felt like a lake of calm. Her response offered a giggle and a sense of hope for my own life. She said most days a part of her actually felt like a duck on that lake of calm. While on the surface she was serene and gracious, under the water her little legs were paddling full steam.”

More times than not my little legs are also paddling, diligently swimming and surrendering the best i can so i too may retain a sense of balance. I look out into the world and see amazing women that inspire me, that seem to have some super human power of ‘having it all together’, and i remind myself, its possible, just like me, that they too have days their little legs are frantically working to keep life afloat and in balance.

Each of us are doing our best. Lets slow the paddle and enjoy the lake of calm whenever the chance arises. Enjoy your week beautiful people.

With love and kindness from my heart, KMF xo

The post A little excerpt from a letter i wrote this week… i thought you might enjoy this story too. appeared first on Kate M Foster.

This past week i have been reflecting on the kindness of others. I have been inundated with snail mail, cooked meals, warm conversations, friendly smiles and my husband even returned home with some wildflowers. My life is immeasurably blessed. And these blessings got me reflecting on the moments that have impacted or changed my life the most. And every single one of these moments have been where others chose to bring kindness, to show up and share generously their time, words or service.

Blessing others has a funny way of rubbing off on all involved.

Its not every week I get inundated with external worldly blessings like i mentioned above. Life has many seasons. Regardless of how it looks, i rest in the beauty of my life, i love it entirely and i intend to share this joy with the whole world if they want it!

In the everyday rhythm of living i focus on what my mama taught me when i was little. If you want kindness, you have to bring it. (This applies to most things: Happiness, love, peace etc). We need to embody what we yearn for most. We need to be the person we wish was there for us. We need to share the kindness we may love to receive, offer the support we know buoys and nourishes our life.

Because in some strange way it doesn’t matter which way kindness is flowing, the simple fact is that when someone brings it, the likely hood is that ‘kindness’ will find a way to infect almost everyone nearby. Even if i witness random strangers being blessed by others, i feel warm and fuzzy and grateful.

Have a beautiful week brave hearts. Keep sharing what you yearn for most. Planetary happiness really does depend on each of us. Now more than ever its important to remember we are the ones we have been waiting for!! Get gifting your gifts! The time is now.

With love and kindness from my heart, xo.

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